So… I found myself getting a little too comfortable
with being mediocre. Or should I say… I got content with doing nothing
exceptional.
When I say this, I’m talking about my fitness
journey. But, I’ve mentioned before that there’s a positive correlation to my
fitness journey and my relationship with God. In other words… when one gets
better so does the other, but on the flip-side of that… when one is bad, so is
the other. As such, here I sit, looking at the buttons on this shirt gaping
simply because I’m sitting down and I find myself thinking…
Where
the heck am I slipping?!
I’ve been noticing my weight gain for the
past month, but I’ve pretty much ignored it. Or rather… avoided it, because you
can’t ignore your weight gain when you’re
a person who stares in the mirror as much as I do (lol) or examines your body
as much as I do. You can’t ignore the
fact that you’ve started to allow yourself to eat fried food and Cheetos again,
after saying how you can’t eat those things right now. And… you can’t ignore the fact that the clothes that
you have been complaining about being way
too baggy, now fit more than a little too right…
Yea… there’s no ignoring that. So avoided. Yea, I’ve been doing that.
The funny thing is, ok, maybe not “funny”,
but the interesting thing is… I’ve been praying about this thing for a while
now. As soon as my 4-week gym challenge was over and I decided to take a “break”
from the gym, I probably started praying a week after that. Simply because… I
never went back to the gym. lol But seriously. I saw the shift occurring in my
mind, so, I started praying. It was probably a preventative prayer because
clearly I still went weeks without hitting up the gym.
But the issue didn’t just stop with the gym.
At the very end of my church’s corporate 3-week fast, I got the urge to listen
to secular music. Now, those who are close to me know that I haven’t willfully
listened to secular music since about early November, October (except when I
went to the Lauryn Hill concert on Nov 28th). So, when I got the
desire to listen to secular music, I immediately questioned, Is this okay? This has GOT to be something the
devil is tryna pull while I’m fasting. So I ignored the urge… until after
my fast. And immediately I felt convicted.
The thought was Why do you think you have the right to compromise because you finished
the fast when before the fast you didn’t?
I did ignore that voice.
I did ignore that conviction because I wanted
it to be okay since it was “just music”
and I didn’t understand how others had
the ability to listen to it and be okay, but I couldn’t. I’m just condemning
myself…
Or so I convinced
myself…
The reality was… it took maybe a week of
alternating between secular and Christian music (‘cause I have to start my day
off with Him in mind) for me to begin thinking about the times I spent
listening to those songs before. It took me back to memories that I had
actually forgotten about.
And then the voice came back:
You don’t
have the right to compromise right now.
I listened this time. Accepted what He was
telling me because I didn’t like where the alternative was taking my mind. So I
let the music go and went back to my usual rotation, but decided to add some variety
to it. Found some good songs on Amazon too. (:
But I was avoiding that other thing… I still wasn’t going to the gym.
The place that I knew I needed to be at if I wanted
to, at least maintain my weight. Then
my eating habits started getting worse and then shift in the scale exceeded my
5lbs warning zone…
But yet… I still avoided the issue. But,
there went that pesky conviction: Why exactly
do you think you need to “maintain” anything? You haven’t even hit your
SHORT-TERM goal yet? Why would you want to maintain… this?? YOU DON’T HAVE THE
RIGHT TO COMPROMISE! This is NO COMPROMISING
SEASON.
Since then the thoughts have entered my mind
weekly…
No
compromising season.
Don’t
get comfortable.
STOP
getting comfortable
You don’t
have the right to “maintain” anything right now
You
need “consistency”, not comfort.
I think the reason I rebuked these thoughts
was simple:
laziness and… doubt.
All schemes of the devil.
I found myself questioning why I couldn’t stabilize a little, maintain
for a while before I worried about taking the next step?
But, the proof is in the pudding… well the
reason is in the product.
My gaping shirt
The increasing number on the scale
My less than healthy appetite
And… in other areas of my life where I have
been slacking.
Here I am, questioning why I can’t “maintain”…
mediocrity. Why I can’t compromise my
form of worship. As if, I have the right to slack on something that is supposed
to be my way of glorifying God. I’ve
been told before “Don’t lose the revelation” when I found myself in a similar
situation last fall, and I guess I lost it again.
I’m human & God’s grace is sufficient so
this is not me condemning myself. This is how I
1) motivate myself.
2) hold myself accountable and
3) hopefully motivate someone else.
Those of us in the journey to lose weight, be
healthier, or just change, can often get to a point where we just think This is getting too hard or redundant.
So we lose focus, inevitably allowing Satan to enter our thoughts and we lose
the revelation of why we started our journeys in the first place.
But when you hold on to what God has told
you. When you constantly check yourself, your situation, and remind yourself
that your goal is realistic, desired, and in some cases, REQUIRED, for you to
be the best you… Then you can
decrease the likelihood of losing that revelation and can call out the devil
for who he is-- A liar intent on stopping you from fulfilling your purpose.
I say… Access DENIED Satan.
In this life… There’s NO ROOM for
Compromising, especially in the Year of
the Miraculous…
No… We ain’t got time fo’ dat
Stay Blessed,
Benita Angela (:
