Dating Jesus || Don't Let Fear Prevent Praise

This weekend has been crazy. I'm still not sure exactly how i feel, but... I feel much better after writing this.
I can be pretty open, but these past few months have been difficult for me so I've been pretty shut off, hence my not writing. However, these days, in spite of my increased feelings if anxiety, I feel better. Mainly because I'm seeing more and more that if I say what's in my head... I can likely get someone to shine some light and speak some life into me. So my peace increases.
With this, I figured I'd share one of the recent lessons I learned and try to work on continuing my "Dating Jesus" series.
Here ya go and I hope this helps.
Also, I'm going to reference some of the scriptures that are helping me rebuke the lies and embrace His truth.

So... I got a new car yesterday...
And instead of being happy about the blessing that is the ability to be on the road again (including, but not limited to: being able to run my needed errands w/out the task of defeating feelings of pride & guilt, being able to do my job better, AND getting back to receiving my mileage reimbursement) I found myself depressed, disappointed, guilty, and still anxious.

Then today, while expressing my thoughts for the 10th time or so... I realized what was happening...
I was allowing fear to begat fear and, in tern, prevent me from praising God...

I was feeling completely wrong because my action WAS made off of fear so I felt that it was only just that God allow me to fall so I didn't thank Him... At all. I'm not saying that this was all blessed by God, but I AM saying God will bless me.

I'm not perfect. There are times when I have and probably will foolishly ignore wisdom or fall victim to my lack of faith, but God is my Father. He is my guide and He is not in the business of letting me fall [Psalms 55:22, Hebrews 13:5-6]. This may be a lesson, but in the midst of it, I can't refuse to thank God for giving me what I asked for... And ultimately this is Grace activated.

He's over here preparing me and even allowing me to see how I can be better in the future; who i can talk to; how to move forward, but I was focused on things I can't change anymore.

He has given me victory, peace, joy, grace, and He has promised me that all things will work for the good [Isaiah 12:2, Philipians 4:7 Psalms 46:10, Matthew 21:28, Ephesians, Psalms 119:143, Romans 8:28]. I'm NOT going to allow fear to override my praise. I'm NOT going to forget that God is able to do WAY more than I can ask or think [Ephesians 3:20]. And I'm NOT going to forget that God chose Me so He's got me [Romans 8:28-30].

Stay Blessed y'all
❤❤
-Benita

National Suicide Prevention

I haven't written in a WHILE. Not since starting my true fitness journey in July. Today, however, I felt drawn to type about my car on Facebook; just to vent, and then it randomly turned into me exposing a little more about myself than I wanted to. But... With the way my year has been set up... I felt the need to make a little bit more noise...
Below you'll find what I posted, but since this is home I wanted to add a little more...
Mainly that this year has truly taken its toll on me. 

From my mom, to my job, to my friendships and my weight; I have felt terrible way more often than I have felt good. And although this is still a struggle, I finally see light. Some of the light has scared me and affected me in ways that brought feelings I still can't describe. Then there's the light of simply knowing that God has got me and on top of that... I cannot give up. 

I declared this year the year of Never Giving Up. And I forgot that, but yet it still took hold in my spirit; In my soul. 

I refuse to give up. 

And that is truly ALL GOD. 

And in knowing THAT brings me so much random bits of peace. Something else I can't describe.
So yea... In the midst of my sorrow and fear I'm grateful to God for instilling HOPE in me. And through hope I become resilient and strong and joyful...

My Fb post.
My car has been out of commission for almost 2 weeks.
Which means I haven't been able to go to church for 2 weeks and effectively doing my job has been THE struggle. I have been on one of the worst emotional, financial and spiritual rollercoasters of my life for 2 weeks.
My pride, my faith, my love, & my ability to cry have been tested several times this year and this was like the icing on the cake.

But I realized that no matter what happens to me...
(And as a person who struggles with anxiety, believe me when I say I thought of everything that could happen)...
I will ALWAYS declare Jesus is Lord;
God will ALWAYS be my Abba Father;
and I will ALWAYS remember the many ways God has shown up and showed out in my life.

I thank God for just being able to hold on to something. My past victories; His promises; and just Hope.
People don't always feel like they have those. Any of them.

And during National Suicide Prevention Week and more specifically this being National Suicide Prevention Day...
I felt that it was important for people to understand the power of Hope. The power of Faith. and the power in His Love.

There are people who struggle EVERY DAY living in their own heads. Tortured by the thought that, not only does life suck right now, but that there is no way it is going to get better or that the pain is not tolerable enough to hold on until it does.

There's that wonderful quote out there, I don't know who stated it, but it was a great truth.
"Suicide doesn't end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the chances of it ever getting better."

And what people don't realize, sometimes, is the absolute Joy that you feel when things actually get better...

If we can, as a community, focus more on just instilling hope and strength and light into one another. If we could just be there for each other. Not to give advice all the time or correct all the time, but simply just listen and speak Life into each other...
Then prevention, instead of what always feels more like awareness... Would feel more attainable.

Just praying for people out there right now...

Be Great y'all.

❤❤
-Benita (:

Dating Jesus || 30-day Challenge

Happy Friday's Eve!

Last week I posted about staying committed and the challenges I've recently had with improving my relationship with Christ. 

Today I'm going to start a challenge that was first introduced to me last December by my church's Young Adult ministry (CORE) leader. It's actually what inspired the name "Dating Jesus" in the first place.

For 30-days Commit to spending 40 minutes each day Dating (or getting to know) God.

This consists of 4 elements:
1) Spend 10 minutes reading the Bible
2) Spend 5 minutes praying
3) Spend 15 minutes meditating/listening to God (it helped me to keep a notepad around so I could write what I felt I was hearing)
And...
4) Spend the last 10 minutes in praise & worship. 
Here's the fun part...
You praise & worship with no music (as in no recorded music)

Doing this (although I fell off after 2-weeks... just being honest) really helped me see where I was falling off with my relationship with God. And it was during those "dates" that I saw how important it is to remember that this IS a relationship that I Chose to enter into and just like any relationship, communication is key.

God communicates with Us through his Word. We communicate with his through prayer. And when it comes to praise & worship... well who DOESN'T like to feel validated? God said himself that he is a jealous God. During those moments of praise & worship I truly had to think about why I love Him and who He is to Me. I wasn't just singing along with a song I remembered most of yhe words to.. This was my moment to be completely mindful of what I was saying.

At one point I couldn't figure out the RIGHT words to say. So I Googled the names of God. Some may be familiar with terms like Yahweh, Jehovah Jireh (or Yireh), or El Shaddai, but if you're likee you either had NO idea what those terms mean or you just didn't feel that they resonated with you. So, lucky me I previously attended a Women's Bible study a few years back that solely focused on the different names of God. I lost the paper that gave each name (per the Bible) & their meaning, but I know almost Anything can be found on Google. Lol
As such I did my search and came across so many names. I actually found a website that gave a great list with the meanings and verses.

As I was looking at the list, I came across the term "Abba Father" which basically means "Daddy". Not in the "Baby Daddy" form but in the "my Daddy", "my Dad", my provider, protector, teacher, disciplinarian, informal doctor, and whatever other role those Dad's play. When I saw that term, I immediately attached to it. THAT is who God has been to me. He's convicted me, forgiven me, punished me, praised me, guided me, protected me... Loved ME! Unconditionally. So I HAD to thank Him and honor Him. Just for being my Abba Father.

I say all this because one of the biggest mistakes we can make as Christians is getting stuck in a routine with our praise and worship. We say "Hallelujah" simply because we know it is the "highest praise" but we fail to try and figure out what exactly we are trying to praise God for. And who wants an pseudo-praise with no real reason behind it? Let's work on really praising & worshipping God "in Spirit and in truth" like the Bible instructs us.

One thing that helps me keep Him in mind is that I literally have an alarm that goes off each day with the title "Date Time". Corny? Yes, but effective.

I hope you try this challenge again with me and know that I REALLY want to hear from you on how you're doing and what was easy or hard.

Do what works for you. And if one day you forget, it happens. God's mercy is new EVERY morning so there's no need to stress or feel like you've failed at something. The purpose is to never give up on your relationship with God. It doesn't have to look just like everyone else's but you can't really consider it functional if you don't get to know Who it is you're in a relationship with for yourself.

Just think about how much you'd believe that you're friend, or boyfriend, or parent (for all intents and purposes) really loved you if they only told you through their "best friend". This relationship is reciprocal that way because God needs to hear from you just as much as you need to hear from Him.

Ok. Im out. I have a date that I'm kind of late for....

Stay Blessed y'all.

♡♥
-Benita (:

Dating Jesus || In ALL things... Have Grace

If I've learned one thing during my weight-loss journey it is the importance of having grace for myself.

I know this series usually focuses on my relationship with God, but for me, my weight-loss/fitness journey is my visual representation of my walk with Christ. For me, I can see no difference between how I take care of my body & how I worship God. After all, we are called to worship and honor God with our bodies [Romans 12:1; 1 Corinthians 6:20]. So it only makes since that I use this example when talking about grace.

Currently I am in this place in my weight-loss journey that I've seen before. Feeling a little hopeless. Hopeless because of countless attempts to eat better and exercise but I keep allowing myself to be distracted or unmotivated. I fail. And because I keep telling myself that I'm failing or I suck at this, I remain in this pattern of self-hate. And that's unhealthy.

So, I had to step back (and really I have to do this often) and remind myself that I truly can start over at any time. And although I might be operating in fear right now, God has given me grace and victory over anything. I have to remind myself that every error I make is just that, an error. It's a part of the journey and I can't hold onto a false belief that I'm going to get everything right the first time I try. I spent 20+ years creating bad habits for myself. One day won't immediately erase those habits.

You have to have grace and allow for mistakes because in all realness; You're learning how to live again.

The same thing can be said for your Spiritual journey. You're a new creation which means old things are officially in the past, but this doesn't mean old habits just end. It doesn't mean old beliefs that we held on to just go away. And this doesn't mean you will automatically be able to do everything you're supposed to do the first time you try. This is why I choose to emphasize this as a "journey".

Ultimately God intends to work on us as individuals and as a Body until the day Jesus returns [ Philippians 1:6]. This means there will always be areas of growth and improvement. And this means that there will also be times where we fall short or even give up. That's the human in us. The goal, however is that, eventually, we become completely Spirit led.

The thing about that is, we have to put in a lot of effort and time throughout our lives in order to know God's will for us and in order to do His will. Again, this is where error is expected. And this is why God's grace is sufficient. We just don't want to become dependent on Grace when we can do better with His Spirit in us. God's grace is what has frees us from having to live in sin [Galatians 5:13; Romans 6].

So... today, I'm going to walk in God's grace and forgive myself for the mistakes I make along this journey to full health. I will proclaim victory over my entire life because God has graced me with it. And I will NEVER give up on myself because God chose me and adopted me. Because God needs me to help Glorify Him. And God loves me so much that he allowed Jesus to be crucified for me.

I will rebuke any thoughts that attempt to keep me trapped in my old ways and rebuke myself if needed.

I pray that in all things... we ALL experience and dwell in God's grace & glory.

Stay Blessed y'all.

♡♥
-Benita

Dating Jesus || Staying Committed

I have a confession...

I have a problem with commitment.

Not in relationships... well, I guess in relationships, but not the kind you're probably thinking of.
You see, I have a problem with committing to myself.
With committing to changing myself fully; with committing to accepting my purpose; and really, with committing to my personal relationship with God.

I'm a faster... as in, I fast, kind of often... well, at least I try to.
In 2012, when I did my first fast, I must say, although it was a challenge, once I got the hang of it & made it a habit with purpose, I was good. At one point I fasted for 40-days. I'm not bragging, because the circumstance kind of required it, but I'm just saying...that was me over a year ago.

But then...2013 came. Last March I wrote a piece on "No Compromising Season"... that was the season I was in. During that time, it was my intent to fast again because I'd noticed a few things and I felt my flesh getting too strong. I had started to lose control.
Before I move on, I feel that it's necessary to reiterate that when it comes to my relationship with God; my physical health is pretty much my visual indicator of how I'm doing. (And on a funnier note, I've kind of used my natural hair journey as an indicator too).
So last March when I noticed my weight gain + my hair breakage I was perplexed. I had felt that I was doing the right things in my walk to at least maintain a healthy weight (and healthy hair), but my body said otherwise. So when I wrote "No Compromising Season" I had a few revelations. The biggest one being... I was allowing myself to be content with mediocre efforts.
The reality was, although my eating wasn't horrible,  I was inconsistent. And didn't go to the gym. And when it came to my relationship with God, I went to church, but had stopped meditating on God's Word as soon as I felt that His Spirit was no longer responding to the effort.

I had become lax... I had started comprising during the process. RIGHT when I had to start making a little more effort, I fell off. And that is how I became vulnerable. The minute I let go of what worked was the minute the enemy crept in and presented me with opportunity after opportunity to forget where I was going and why. And with some of the smallest of thing. God had continued to tell me I was in a season where I couldn't compromise within the journey, but the longer I ignored that voice the easier it was to give in and indulge in things that weren't good for me. I, in essence, started cheating on God. I couldn't see it though because it was nothing "major". I still attended church & served, & listened to Christian music every morning. I just listened to my secular music the rest of the day and had stopped making efforts to improve my service or even make sure I did it to glorify Him instead of myself. 
As a result... eventually I couldn't even tell whose voice I was hearing; who I was really devoting myself to; whose spirit I was really walking in.

And I'm still in the struggle. It's better, but after a year of compromises, I've found that the things that I used to do, like fasting, take 4x as much effort a day than it did that first time. And that's a scary place to be.
I said a while ago that I will never give up on my fitness journey and this goes for maturing in Christ as well.
He didn't create me to be mediocre. He created me to glorify Him. He created me to be His child. He created me to be set apart. And for a God that loved me so much that He died for me... I can never give up allowing my flesh to die for Him. And for the God who rose from the dead for me... I will always take each day to rise out of my failures for Him.
It won't be easy, and that's ok. Because I am His I receive victory. Because of His Spirit in me & His grace, I have strength & wisdom. Because of His Word I have all the weapons I need to be an overcomer.

And the same goes for you! Today you may not be the best "Christian" you can be or life may generally suck; that doesn't mean you can just do the "fade away" with God. One, He's good for chasing after you. Lol. And, Two, He deserves better. 

How can you get re-committed?

Seek His face... get to know who God is; how he operates; for yourself. Take a little time (5 minutes never hurt anyone). Read His Word & pray. Keep a verse in your head for the day. Learn who He is.

I personally love Psalms 119... longest book in the Bible, but probably contains something for everyone. One verse from that can reveal your heart. Give it a try... you have to start somewhere. 

Ok.
This is way longer than I thought it would be, but... this is me at 12am on a weekday like I don't have to work in less than 8 hours.

Stay Blessed y'all.

♡♥
-Benita (:

Dating Jesus|| Forgiving God

Being in a relationship with Christ isn't always easy.
People tend to have this perception that once you get Saved or reborn or whatever that life is grand from there... but the reality is... it's tough. Maturing in Christ is probably the epitome of "The Struggle Life".

As a case manager a lot of the teams I work with get extra excited when I get assigned to them. Not because of me, but because of what I do. They have this idea in their head that life will be grand from that first meeting on...
And then... several months later when things are either the same or worse I have to have that conversation that "things will likely get worse before they get better".

Coming to Christ is sometimes like that. At first the sheer thought of finally accepting Christ builds you up & holds you over for a few months. After all, the weight of unforgiveness is heavy so being able to accept God's forgiveness and having that load removed makes EVERYTHING feel better.

But then... reality starts to set in. Change isn't happening as fast as you thought it would. In fact, you find that you're having to put in a little more effort just to feel peace. You start to see things within yourself that you never noticed before. You start noticing that some of the people in your life aren't who you thought they were and you notice some of the hurt you either hadn't remembered or hadn't realized.

This is when forgiveness and trust start to become an issue. Not that you need to forgive people, but you have to forgive God (not because He did something wrong, but because we feel that He did).
In the midst of your hurt, you start to feel even greater hurt because God didn't stop the pain or because God allowed you to experience a time in your life that you would have rather been omitted from your story.

And that causes some bitterness. And... you hit a wall.
The moment I realized I had to put an effort into trusting God was after I hit this wall for the first time.

All my life I was taught to love God & worship Him and have faith, but no one ever taught me that these things aren't instant. And trusting God will only come when you forgive Him...
And the easiest way to forgive is to understand His Word & KNOW that ALL things work together for the good to them that Love the Lord & are called according to His purpose.
And remember that OUR purpose is to Glorify God & bring people to Him.

So... even if you don't know WHY that particular something happened. Know that it is in the benefit of you. Either simply to give you a reason to come to him or as complex as being a testimony for someone you may never meet.

Stay Blessed y'all, 

♡♥

-Benita (:

**photo: excerpt from The Purpose Driven Life**

Becoming Me: "No Compromising" Season

So… I found myself getting a little too comfortable with being mediocre. Or should I say… I got content with doing nothing exceptional.

When I say this, I’m talking about my fitness journey. But, I’ve mentioned before that there’s a positive correlation to my fitness journey and my relationship with God. In other words… when one gets better so does the other, but on the flip-side of that… when one is bad, so is the other. As such, here I sit, looking at the buttons on this shirt gaping simply because I’m sitting down and I find myself thinking…

Where the heck am I slipping?!

I’ve been noticing my weight gain for the past month, but I’ve pretty much ignored it. Or rather… avoided it, because you can’t ignore your weight gain when you’re a person who stares in the mirror as much as I do (lol) or examines your body as much as I do. You can’t ignore the fact that you’ve started to allow yourself to eat fried food and Cheetos again, after saying how you can’t eat those things right now. And… you can’t ignore the fact that the clothes that you have been complaining about being way too baggy, now fit more than a little too right…

Yea… there’s no ignoring that. So avoided. Yea, I’ve been doing that.

The funny thing is, ok, maybe not “funny”, but the interesting thing is… I’ve been praying about this thing for a while now. As soon as my 4-week gym challenge was over and I decided to take a “break” from the gym, I probably started praying a week after that. Simply because… I never went back to the gym. lol But seriously. I saw the shift occurring in my mind, so, I started praying. It was probably a preventative prayer because clearly I still went weeks without hitting up the gym.

But the issue didn’t just stop with the gym. At the very end of my church’s corporate 3-week fast, I got the urge to listen to secular music. Now, those who are close to me know that I haven’t willfully listened to secular music since about early November, October (except when I went to the Lauryn Hill concert on Nov 28^th). So, when I got the desire to listen to secular music, I immediately questioned, Is this okay? This has GOT to be something the devil is tryna pull while I’m fasting. So I ignored the urge… until after my fast. And immediately I felt convicted.

The thought was Why do you think you have the right to compromise because you finished the fast when before the fast you didn’t?  

I did ignore that voice.

I did ignore that conviction because I wanted it to be okay since it was “just music” and I didn’t understand how others had the ability to listen to it and be okay, but I couldn’t. I’m just condemning myself…

Or so I convinced myself…

The reality was… it took maybe a week of alternating between secular and Christian music (‘cause I have to start my day off with Him in mind) for me to begin thinking about the times I spent listening to those songs before. It took me back to memories that I had actually forgotten about.

And then the voice came back:

You don’t have the right to compromise right now.

I listened this time. Accepted what He was telling me because I didn’t like where the alternative was taking my mind. So I let the music go and went back to my usual rotation, but decided to add some variety to it. Found some good songs on Amazon too. (:

But I was avoiding that other thing… I still wasn’t going to the gym.

The place that I knew I needed to be at if I wanted to, at least maintain my weight. Then my eating habits started getting worse and then shift in the scale exceeded my 5lbs warning zone…

But yet… I still avoided the issue. But, there went that pesky conviction: Why exactly do you think you need to “maintain” anything? You haven’t even hit your SHORT-TERM goal yet? Why would you want to maintain… this?? YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPROMISE! This is NO COMPROMISING SEASON.

Since then the thoughts have entered my mind weekly…

No compromising season.

Don’t get comfortable.

STOP getting comfortable

You don’t have the right to “maintain” anything right now

You need “consistency”, not comfort.

I think the reason I rebuked these thoughts was simple:

laziness and… doubt.

All schemes of the devil.

I found myself questioning why I couldn’t stabilize a little, maintain for a while before I worried about taking the next step?

But, the proof is in the pudding… well the reason is in the product.

My gaping shirt

The increasing number on the scale

My less than healthy appetite

And… in other areas of my life where I have been slacking.

Here I am, questioning why I can’t “maintain”… mediocrity. Why I can’t compromise my form of worship. As if, I have the right to slack on something that is supposed to be my way of glorifying God. I’ve been told before “Don’t lose the revelation” when I found myself in a similar situation last fall, and I guess I lost it again.

I’m human & God’s grace is sufficient so this is not me condemning myself. This is how I

1) motivate myself.  

2) hold myself accountable and

3) hopefully motivate someone else.

Those of us in the journey to lose weight, be healthier, or just change, can often get to a point where we just think This is getting too hard or redundant. So we lose focus, inevitably allowing Satan to enter our thoughts and we lose the revelation of why we started our journeys in the first place.

But when you hold on to what God has told you. When you constantly check yourself, your situation, and remind yourself that your goal is realistic, desired, and in some cases, REQUIRED, for you to be the best you… Then you can decrease the likelihood of losing that revelation and can call out the devil for who he is-- A liar intent on stopping you from fulfilling your purpose.

I say… Access DENIED Satan.

In this life… There’s NO ROOM for Compromising, especially in the Year of the Miraculous…

No… We ain’t got time fo’ dat

Stay Blessed,

Benita Angela (:

Will The Real Benita Please Stand Up?!

I have not given an update on my "Becoming Me Journey" in several months. I apologize for that. I've been pretty busy... Becoming me.
For anyone who ever saw my video from when I began this journey you know that my journey is 3 parts.

1) My Natural Hair Journey
2) My Fitness Journey
And... Most importantly
3) My Journey closer to God

Over the past few months I have made mention of my Natural Hair progress, even creating an album on Facebook. I have also posted more than a few posts relating to Christianity (mostly Bible verses). But... I have not made ONE mention of my progress towards my Fitness Journey.
Why?, you may ask... Well that is because I had made absolutely no real progress towards that goal. I think back & realize that even posting my lack of motivation or progress could have been helpful, but... That would have also been admitting that I just wasn't trying. Yes, I was in denial. Denial that I really couldn't identify what I needed to get healthy.
But I was also in denial of something else. I was in denial that I was afraid to lose weight. Yup, I said it. I was afraid to lose weight.

*woosah*

I've now admitted it. Out loud.

You see, like it or not, once you've carried around some LB's for most of your life you find yourself making them a part of you. Not just physically, but they become a part of your identity. Being overweight has become a significant part of who I have created myself to be. My weight & a few other things (I'll address those in a Closer to God update). And yes, I said "created myself to be"... Because I am NOT an overweight person. I am a person... I am Benita, and I am overweight. Putting it like that causes some convictions to enter my heart & I won't dismiss it this time... Or ever again.
You see... My personality, who I am, has NOTHING to do with my weight. Absolutely nothing. It may be a symptom, but it's not a part of my identity. I think I'll break down the "symptom" in a future post.
Back to what I was saying... I am overweight & being overweight has become so much of who I am that subconsciously I was afraid to lose that part of myself.
I still confront the denial. I tell myself that I'm only going to allow myself to reach a certain weight and see how I like it before I lose more.
That's my mind fighting against what my spirit tells me. 50lbs lighter is scary to me.
What will I look like? Will I still be me?
The answers are, Thinner... And OF COURSE.
But my mind can't yet comprehend that. And if I said something like 80lbs lighter... Oh no, my mind is not ready. My spirit leaps at the idea, but my body... Nervous immediately.
So I rebuke my body; Remind it that a big part of this journey is recognizing that I'm not at all who I thought I was; who I tried to be. I'm Not who I WAS.
Have to continue to stay motivated & Become who God created me to be and no, overweight is not it. Time to embrace who I am!

Should My Vote Be American or Christian?

I had a discussion, or two, with the young adult minister at my church several months ago regarding voting in America. It began with a discussion of the dynamics behind how the candidates for the last election were recognized and why we thought it was interesting that most of the Presidential candidates were not a part of the major debates. Then eventually my minister discussed that the 2009 election had been one of the first elections in which he willfully researched and weighed all of his options before casting his vote for President. I discussed that it had been the first time I had done any research of the politicians’ platforms (although I had definitely not researched all of them). During the conversation, my minister discussed that he had based his vote wholly on his Christian beliefs. Call me crazy, but that may have been the first time that option had popped into my head.

Please, let me explain…

Throughout college, I have learned a multitude of things and had begun to classify myself as many things in regards to my moral and societal beliefs. I am a feminist, and then when I learned more, I preferred the term Womanist to describe what I am. I am an avid advocate for victims of Intimate Partner Violence and Domestic Violence. I advocate for mentoring and helping at-risk youth. All of these things and many more.

The thing is…

My Christian beliefs rarely intersected with the above mentioned although Christian is something I have ALWAYS identified myself as.

So when my minister brought to my attention that Christianity and voting in America could and should actually not only intersect, but intertwine and become one… my mind felt a little un-easy. I mean if you really think about voting based solely on Christianity… I’m not sure WHO I would vote for or WHY I would even want to live in America (I laugh).

Truthfully, though, in this journey that I have decided to go on this past year, I have still managed to maintain certain compartments in my mind and in my beliefs. I had one that focused on Benita: the Black College Educated Woman living in America. Then I had Benita: the Christian. As the “Christian compartment grows I have realized how much of the other part will have to shift if not decreased exponentially. I first realized this a few years ago when I realized what marriage truly is and how a marriage was created to function. When I started thinking about egalitarian marriages and their propensity to fail and how marriages almost support some of the most sexist notions, we see today, a big shift occurred. I realized that being submissive does not mean subordinate and/or having less power. I learned some other things regarding this, but I won’t go into that on this blog. Interestingly enough I didn’t come to this conclusion in church, but rather a summer that I took Women’s Studies and Diverse Families and Children class.

Even with that realization, as a stubborn young woman I think I mentally and spiritually refused to acknowledge that there are several other ideologies that will need to change as a Christian. Here is where I could discuss gay rights, women’s rights, and some other stuff, but again, this particular blog is not about that. The fact remains that at that moment when my minister said those words I was forced to think about, if only for a second, the possibility that many of the things that I value and/or believe are based on ideals that were developed without concern or thought towards what God wants.

Now I sit here wondering… Should my vote, when I cast it, be American or Christian? Should our votes, my fellow American Christians, be based solely on the Constitution (which we know has various Christian foundations) or based solely on God’s will for us as a people, as His children.

*Enter the uneasiness…*

When I pose that question, I’m literally having an inward battle. One side is saying, that in the context of things such as LGBTQ rights “It is unjust to say that they should not have equality".

Then the other side pops in and says’ something like… “But it’s not about them, it’s about HIM.”

Then the one side says, “But the Constitution doesn’t make that distinction and it is unjust to tell someone that they should believe the same religion as I do”.

Then there goes that other side saying, “It is unrighteous to support the actions that God hates.”

*See my dilemma??*

At this point, I have just decided that I need to begin praying for discernment and continuous guidance because I want my actions to please God above all, not man.

I think in a future post when things are made clearer, or even while I’m still contemplating, I will write about some of the above-mentioned beliefs in more detail. Until then I must pose the title question to you all…

Do you think that your religious beliefs should be the sole criteria for who you vote for politically?

Or

How much of your religious/spiritual beliefs should be reflected in your political views?