Le Struggle Life || Same Vision, Different Goals

Here I go again...

So, as usual, the struggle to get fit is REAL. I've been watching myself, over the past year, gain every bit of the weight that I had lost back.
It sucks.

I've made mention before that my physical health has a strong correlative relationship with my spiritual health. As such, when I first started noticing the weight gain, I immediately wanted to figure out where I was slipping. And it took me months. Almost until the end of last year to figure it out, but I got it. Aside from my eating being sporadic along with my exercising, my general focus had shifted back to an unhealthy one... 

I wanted to lose weight.

Although my being over 200lbs warrants a need to lose weight, that shouldn't be my focus.
I've been setting myself up for failure.

I could spend as much time as I wanted to worried about the number on the scale, but that wasn't pushing me to stick with anything. There needed to be a full shift.
At some point I had to accept that I needed to create HEALTHY Habits for myself. There's no one-time shot at this thing. My lifestyle of worshipping God with my body has to be a LifeStyle. My way of life. My own personal culture. And I hadn't Really accepted that. I wanted to look a certain way by a certain time to prove Something to nobody in particular. And the reality is... I entered into a relationship with Jesus a LONG time ago so He is the one I should be trying to impress. He is the one I should be attempting to please. And ultimately, through my diligence, He will be glorified.

I'm blessed each day that I wake up because it's another chance to get this right. I'm not settling for mediocre anything and I'm not going to attempt to withhold grace from myself when I do mess up. 

No longer will I convince myself that I'm just supposed to be fat, simply because it's hard to find a balance that works for me.
No.
Not anymore. No excuses.
With all that said, I have set it in my mind (and on paper) that no matter what, I'm never giving up this journey. No matter how long it may take me, I'm worth way too much to neglect myself. Afterall, Jesus died for me to have victory.

So, in order to support my healthy addiction to never giving up, I've decided to take this ship one step further:

1) I joined a gym [my apartment fitness center may be convenient & free, but it's no motivation to keep me going... so I figured if I'm paying I might have a little bit more invested]

2) I'm sticking with making monthly, weekly, & daily fitness goals (getting my water intake up is my only daily goal for the moment). Each month I'll take the time to evaluate my progress towards my goals, see what I still need to work on & why, and I will carryover and unmet goals (making any changes as needed)

3) I'm making it my biggest goal to get moving! I spent 5 years in college & 13 years in school before that. I walked ALL my life. But as an adult my life is nothing but sitting down. I'm either at my desk or driving all day & I've neglected the physical activity my body was used to doing in order to, if nothing else, maintain my weight. So, I'm keeping this in mind when it comes to physical activity. When I talk about balance, this one plays a huge part in my struggle. I'm focusing more on it, but it's definitely hard.

And last, but not least...

4) I'm setting a goal to do Color Me Rad this year. I'm really excited about this one. Phoenix has theirs in November so that gives me plenty of time to train. It'll be my first race... Ever. (Yikes)
I'm hopeful to do a practice 5K before, but life has been semi-stupid recently so we shall see...

So the saga continues...

I'd love to hear from you:
Can you relate?
Let me know what's been keeping you from accomplishing Your fitness goals. And if you've been able to get motivated and stay there, share what's worked for you and why?

Stay Blessed,

♡♥
Benita (:

Becoming Me: "No Compromising" Season

So… I found myself getting a little too comfortable with being mediocre. Or should I say… I got content with doing nothing exceptional.

When I say this, I’m talking about my fitness journey. But, I’ve mentioned before that there’s a positive correlation to my fitness journey and my relationship with God. In other words… when one gets better so does the other, but on the flip-side of that… when one is bad, so is the other. As such, here I sit, looking at the buttons on this shirt gaping simply because I’m sitting down and I find myself thinking…

Where the heck am I slipping?!

I’ve been noticing my weight gain for the past month, but I’ve pretty much ignored it. Or rather… avoided it, because you can’t ignore your weight gain when you’re a person who stares in the mirror as much as I do (lol) or examines your body as much as I do. You can’t ignore the fact that you’ve started to allow yourself to eat fried food and Cheetos again, after saying how you can’t eat those things right now. And… you can’t ignore the fact that the clothes that you have been complaining about being way too baggy, now fit more than a little too right…

Yea… there’s no ignoring that. So avoided. Yea, I’ve been doing that.

The funny thing is, ok, maybe not “funny”, but the interesting thing is… I’ve been praying about this thing for a while now. As soon as my 4-week gym challenge was over and I decided to take a “break” from the gym, I probably started praying a week after that. Simply because… I never went back to the gym. lol But seriously. I saw the shift occurring in my mind, so, I started praying. It was probably a preventative prayer because clearly I still went weeks without hitting up the gym.

But the issue didn’t just stop with the gym. At the very end of my church’s corporate 3-week fast, I got the urge to listen to secular music. Now, those who are close to me know that I haven’t willfully listened to secular music since about early November, October (except when I went to the Lauryn Hill concert on Nov 28^th). So, when I got the desire to listen to secular music, I immediately questioned, Is this okay? This has GOT to be something the devil is tryna pull while I’m fasting. So I ignored the urge… until after my fast. And immediately I felt convicted.

The thought was Why do you think you have the right to compromise because you finished the fast when before the fast you didn’t?  

I did ignore that voice.

I did ignore that conviction because I wanted it to be okay since it was “just music” and I didn’t understand how others had the ability to listen to it and be okay, but I couldn’t. I’m just condemning myself…

Or so I convinced myself…

The reality was… it took maybe a week of alternating between secular and Christian music (‘cause I have to start my day off with Him in mind) for me to begin thinking about the times I spent listening to those songs before. It took me back to memories that I had actually forgotten about.

And then the voice came back:

You don’t have the right to compromise right now.

I listened this time. Accepted what He was telling me because I didn’t like where the alternative was taking my mind. So I let the music go and went back to my usual rotation, but decided to add some variety to it. Found some good songs on Amazon too. (:

But I was avoiding that other thing… I still wasn’t going to the gym.

The place that I knew I needed to be at if I wanted to, at least maintain my weight. Then my eating habits started getting worse and then shift in the scale exceeded my 5lbs warning zone…

But yet… I still avoided the issue. But, there went that pesky conviction: Why exactly do you think you need to “maintain” anything? You haven’t even hit your SHORT-TERM goal yet? Why would you want to maintain… this?? YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMPROMISE! This is NO COMPROMISING SEASON.

Since then the thoughts have entered my mind weekly…

No compromising season.

Don’t get comfortable.

STOP getting comfortable

You don’t have the right to “maintain” anything right now

You need “consistency”, not comfort.

I think the reason I rebuked these thoughts was simple:

laziness and… doubt.

All schemes of the devil.

I found myself questioning why I couldn’t stabilize a little, maintain for a while before I worried about taking the next step?

But, the proof is in the pudding… well the reason is in the product.

My gaping shirt

The increasing number on the scale

My less than healthy appetite

And… in other areas of my life where I have been slacking.

Here I am, questioning why I can’t “maintain”… mediocrity. Why I can’t compromise my form of worship. As if, I have the right to slack on something that is supposed to be my way of glorifying God. I’ve been told before “Don’t lose the revelation” when I found myself in a similar situation last fall, and I guess I lost it again.

I’m human & God’s grace is sufficient so this is not me condemning myself. This is how I

1) motivate myself.  

2) hold myself accountable and

3) hopefully motivate someone else.

Those of us in the journey to lose weight, be healthier, or just change, can often get to a point where we just think This is getting too hard or redundant. So we lose focus, inevitably allowing Satan to enter our thoughts and we lose the revelation of why we started our journeys in the first place.

But when you hold on to what God has told you. When you constantly check yourself, your situation, and remind yourself that your goal is realistic, desired, and in some cases, REQUIRED, for you to be the best you… Then you can decrease the likelihood of losing that revelation and can call out the devil for who he is-- A liar intent on stopping you from fulfilling your purpose.

I say… Access DENIED Satan.

In this life… There’s NO ROOM for Compromising, especially in the Year of the Miraculous…

No… We ain’t got time fo’ dat

Stay Blessed,

Benita Angela (: