Will The Real Benita Please Stand Up?!

I have not given an update on my "Becoming Me Journey" in several months. I apologize for that. I've been pretty busy... Becoming me.
For anyone who ever saw my video from when I began this journey you know that my journey is 3 parts.

1) My Natural Hair Journey
2) My Fitness Journey
And... Most importantly
3) My Journey closer to God

Over the past few months I have made mention of my Natural Hair progress, even creating an album on Facebook. I have also posted more than a few posts relating to Christianity (mostly Bible verses). But... I have not made ONE mention of my progress towards my Fitness Journey.
Why?, you may ask... Well that is because I had made absolutely no real progress towards that goal. I think back & realize that even posting my lack of motivation or progress could have been helpful, but... That would have also been admitting that I just wasn't trying. Yes, I was in denial. Denial that I really couldn't identify what I needed to get healthy.
But I was also in denial of something else. I was in denial that I was afraid to lose weight. Yup, I said it. I was afraid to lose weight.

*woosah*

I've now admitted it. Out loud.

You see, like it or not, once you've carried around some LB's for most of your life you find yourself making them a part of you. Not just physically, but they become a part of your identity. Being overweight has become a significant part of who I have created myself to be. My weight & a few other things (I'll address those in a Closer to God update). And yes, I said "created myself to be"... Because I am NOT an overweight person. I am a person... I am Benita, and I am overweight. Putting it like that causes some convictions to enter my heart & I won't dismiss it this time... Or ever again.
You see... My personality, who I am, has NOTHING to do with my weight. Absolutely nothing. It may be a symptom, but it's not a part of my identity. I think I'll break down the "symptom" in a future post.
Back to what I was saying... I am overweight & being overweight has become so much of who I am that subconsciously I was afraid to lose that part of myself.
I still confront the denial. I tell myself that I'm only going to allow myself to reach a certain weight and see how I like it before I lose more.
That's my mind fighting against what my spirit tells me. 50lbs lighter is scary to me.
What will I look like? Will I still be me?
The answers are, Thinner... And OF COURSE.
But my mind can't yet comprehend that. And if I said something like 80lbs lighter... Oh no, my mind is not ready. My spirit leaps at the idea, but my body... Nervous immediately.
So I rebuke my body; Remind it that a big part of this journey is recognizing that I'm not at all who I thought I was; who I tried to be. I'm Not who I WAS.
Have to continue to stay motivated & Become who God created me to be and no, overweight is not it. Time to embrace who I am!

R.I.P. to Ignorance: Another look into the Trayvon Martin... Bandwagon

So…

As this Trayvon Martin case continues to spiral out of control, I feel forced to put my 20 cents into the mix. I’ve been looking into this case a little bit since I heard about it last week. Since that time I have seen a plethora of ridiculousness on various sites such as YouTube, Twitter, and especially Facebook. Everything from  comparing Trayvon’s case to the Michael Vick case from several years ago to holding parties “in memory of Trayvon”.

I’m just not understanding this mindset.

Let me start with the first onset of ridiculous behavior:

I first peeped this comparison photo on Monday and have since been experiencing a migraine. 

 Let’s analyze why this is so inaccurate right quick.   

1. Michael Vick’s case took place in Virginia and involved dogs. vs. Trayvon’s death took place in Florida and involved the killing of a 17-year old boy.
2. Michael Vick was not charged or sentenced until several months of investigation (if not a year and some change) took place vs. Trayvon’s case took place less than a month ago.
3. And the FINAL most important thing to note... Mike Vick did not just "know" about the dog fighting... Vick organized and funded the dog fighting organization for a significant period of time... He admitted to as much in his autobiography as well as his BET special a few years ago.

I’m sensing that EVERYone who “shared” or “reblogged” that photo didn't do a BIT of research. So, now that we have that cleared away... let's not compare these two again...

Oh, and I'm concerned that some have no understanding of how our criminal justice system works. 

 For instance:

1.  Virginia state laws differ from Florida state laws and how Virginia would have handled this death may be vastly different. 
2. I would think that we would not want a speedy trial or investigation due to the seriousness of this case. I say this because there will only be ONE change for Zimmerman to get convicted once he is charged.  If the investigation is sped up and there is not enough evidence gathered to convict Zimmerman, although he, in fact (and this is not my opinion per say) did murder Trayvon, we’re going to be looking at an acquittal which… my dear, dear friends, would mean he can NEVER be charged for Trayvon's death again. 

I’m just going to let that sink in a little longer….

Alright… you getting anything from this yet??

Let’s go another route…

Zimmerman is NOT white. *gasps*

In FACT Zimmerman is more of a minority than Trayvon. *double gasp*

Let’s view this photo right quick.

Now’ let’s view this article:

Zimmerman's Lawyer: 'Stand your ground' doesn't apply in Trayvon Martin case 

Peep the description of Zimmerman as “white Hispanic” as in… this young man is mixed with white and Latino…

And before you say… “He’s still white” I’ll beg to differ and leave it at that because I’m pretty sure on the Census we ALL filled out 2 years ago you are either “White/Non-Hispanic” or “Hispanic” so that’s all I’m going to say.

(I'll refrain from making further comments about the ONE mugshot photo of Zimmerman being the only one currently circulating OR that the only pictures of Trayvon appear to be from when he was about 13-15 instead of the 17 year old that he was... that's another post altogether) 

*lets that sink in as well*

Okay… now that I have finished with that little tidbit, let me go into the second picture I have seen this week that made me want to smack EVERYone who shared it on Facebook:

I don’t thinks I REALLY need to comment on this, but I’m just going to say that SOMETIMES you people do THE most with controversy… making serious matters, EXTREMELY ignorant and this is a prime example.

Here’ another that I posted on my Facebook earlier this week as well:

 "Hoodies and Heels"

*deep sigh*

The last complaint I have currently is how some people have managed to take President Obama's statement on the case out of context. To me, he just confirmed what I mentioned earlier... It is IMPERATIVE that we allow this investigation to take place due to the seriousness of this matter. 

I really do think it is best that everyone let it go for a second. DO NOT FORGET! Just stop talking about it and let the investigation continue. Hop off of the Bandwagon! Better yet, DON'T LET THIS BE A BANDWAGON like Jena 6 or KONY 2012.

I think I’ll take a brief break to gather my thoughts before I continue…

Should My Vote Be American or Christian?

I had a discussion, or two, with the young adult minister at my church several months ago regarding voting in America. It began with a discussion of the dynamics behind how the candidates for the last election were recognized and why we thought it was interesting that most of the Presidential candidates were not a part of the major debates. Then eventually my minister discussed that the 2009 election had been one of the first elections in which he willfully researched and weighed all of his options before casting his vote for President. I discussed that it had been the first time I had done any research of the politicians’ platforms (although I had definitely not researched all of them). During the conversation, my minister discussed that he had based his vote wholly on his Christian beliefs. Call me crazy, but that may have been the first time that option had popped into my head.

Please, let me explain…

Throughout college, I have learned a multitude of things and had begun to classify myself as many things in regards to my moral and societal beliefs. I am a feminist, and then when I learned more, I preferred the term Womanist to describe what I am. I am an avid advocate for victims of Intimate Partner Violence and Domestic Violence. I advocate for mentoring and helping at-risk youth. All of these things and many more.

The thing is…

My Christian beliefs rarely intersected with the above mentioned although Christian is something I have ALWAYS identified myself as.

So when my minister brought to my attention that Christianity and voting in America could and should actually not only intersect, but intertwine and become one… my mind felt a little un-easy. I mean if you really think about voting based solely on Christianity… I’m not sure WHO I would vote for or WHY I would even want to live in America (I laugh).

Truthfully, though, in this journey that I have decided to go on this past year, I have still managed to maintain certain compartments in my mind and in my beliefs. I had one that focused on Benita: the Black College Educated Woman living in America. Then I had Benita: the Christian. As the “Christian compartment grows I have realized how much of the other part will have to shift if not decreased exponentially. I first realized this a few years ago when I realized what marriage truly is and how a marriage was created to function. When I started thinking about egalitarian marriages and their propensity to fail and how marriages almost support some of the most sexist notions, we see today, a big shift occurred. I realized that being submissive does not mean subordinate and/or having less power. I learned some other things regarding this, but I won’t go into that on this blog. Interestingly enough I didn’t come to this conclusion in church, but rather a summer that I took Women’s Studies and Diverse Families and Children class.

Even with that realization, as a stubborn young woman I think I mentally and spiritually refused to acknowledge that there are several other ideologies that will need to change as a Christian. Here is where I could discuss gay rights, women’s rights, and some other stuff, but again, this particular blog is not about that. The fact remains that at that moment when my minister said those words I was forced to think about, if only for a second, the possibility that many of the things that I value and/or believe are based on ideals that were developed without concern or thought towards what God wants.

Now I sit here wondering… Should my vote, when I cast it, be American or Christian? Should our votes, my fellow American Christians, be based solely on the Constitution (which we know has various Christian foundations) or based solely on God’s will for us as a people, as His children.

*Enter the uneasiness…*

When I pose that question, I’m literally having an inward battle. One side is saying, that in the context of things such as LGBTQ rights “It is unjust to say that they should not have equality".

Then the other side pops in and says’ something like… “But it’s not about them, it’s about HIM.”

Then the one side says, “But the Constitution doesn’t make that distinction and it is unjust to tell someone that they should believe the same religion as I do”.

Then there goes that other side saying, “It is unrighteous to support the actions that God hates.”

*See my dilemma??*

At this point, I have just decided that I need to begin praying for discernment and continuous guidance because I want my actions to please God above all, not man.

I think in a future post when things are made clearer, or even while I’m still contemplating, I will write about some of the above-mentioned beliefs in more detail. Until then I must pose the title question to you all…

Do you think that your religious beliefs should be the sole criteria for who you vote for politically?

Or

How much of your religious/spiritual beliefs should be reflected in your political views?

A Natural Girl's Vent

I’m beginning to really… dislike when people say things like, “Going natural isn’t for everyone”. When really they just mean “everyone can’t pull off short hair or an afro”… as if that’s the only style choice we’re going for once we BC.

Like a temporary TWA is the goal during the transition (not knocking those who rock the short cuts).
Some of these women are out here rocking ragged relaxed hair that never makes it past the nap of their necks. But those of us who choose to go natural have to hear people comment on our short (& hopefully healthy) curly hair, simply because it’s curly AND short… For now.
I think that a lot of women who BC’d or transitioned can say that they weren’t necessarily happy with the length of their hair. The one thing you realize, however, is that the journey is only temporary & that means the length will grow out (if you take care of your hair). You learn to accept that the current situation may not be preferable, especially of you DO want longer hair, but the end makes it worth it. I guess people just don’t get that part yet?? I mean the reality is… If you don’t want to lose length… Transition. I just got annoyed with transitioning. Speaking of which… I was gonna BC this month (to retain my length), but clearly that didn’t work out.
Anywho… Comments like that just perturb me a little…


 [just a little something previously posted on my Tumblr]