Well... I CARE! || Get Involved!

So, if I learned anything growing up, it was the importance of giving back to your community.

If I knew anything, I knew that I was going to be active in my community when I became a successful adult.

I was going to be like my mom who was so involved in my schools that she was PTA President for my brother's middle school, an active member for me and my sister through middle school, she was a crossing guard when we were in elementary school, and she remained involved with our schools through middle.
I was going to be like my dad who was our Civic League President for quite a few years (I flashback now to hating having to attend every meeting).
I wasn't necessarily going to do those things, but my goal was to be involved.

When I got into high school I was involved in school politics, I mentored and volunteered at the local elementary school. I was excited about the potential for visiting my high school post-graduation and talking to the students and talking about my experiences in college.

That was me.

Then I got to college.
And it was a different world. And I was car-less. Which meant I only went home during school breaks. Like summer. And even those became shorter. I eventually fell off, however I became active in the town my college was in and on-campus.

Then I graduated... And moved across the country.

Four years later and I realize that although I'm very active in my church and my job is one that permits me to interact with many people in the populations I developed a passion for helping, I wasn't very connected to my community, outside of church. There are multiple reasons for that, but since I'm not here to discuss my laziness we won't discuss all of those.
Granted the cultures are different, so organizations, outreach efforts and events are limited (or just difficult to identify), but my efforts were still significantly less than the heart that I had.

So when the Ferguson verdict tragedy occurred I was reminded of who I am and who I wanted to be growing up.

Involved.

Although I'm not exactly sure how to start outside of college and church, I DO know of a few organizations that are nationwide and, therefore, I'm starting with them.

I'm writing this post for the people like me who KNOW something needs to be done and they want to be involved, but aren't exactly sure where to start.
I might consider documenting my efforts because I'm really hopeful to help others out there, but I can't make any promises.

For now please check-out some organizations that can help get you plugged in.

The National Urban League:
http://nul.iamempowered.com/

YWCA:
www.ywca.org

NAACP:
www.naacp.org

Hope this helps! I know that my being in Arizona already presents as a disadvantage with most of these organizations as they are generally not as active as they are in Virginia (where I'm from), but... I HAVE to start somewhere.

Stay Blessed y'all.
💙💙
-Benita (:

What are we Fighting for?!

Over the past weeks since a Grand Jury decided not to indict Darren Wilson for killing Michael Brown, then the decision to not endict the police officers responsible for Eric Garner's death there have been numerous efforts made, across the nation, to express the concerns of the community.

Although I ABSOLUTELY love the idea of peaceful protests that will go noticed, especially those that are creative and involve the masses, I still have yet to see two things:

1) A leader or set or leaders who, for all intents and purposes will, if anything, be the face of these protests. This/These people would also create...
2) A shared vision.

While one thing is clear, we can agree we want to feel that Black lives matter; I have not seen a real indicator of HOW we will know that others are getting the memo.
This is why I must ask: 

What are we fighting for?

I've seen and felt the anger, confusion, fear, hurt, disappointment, and almost every other emotion that has been brought on over the past few weeks, however when it has come to "organized" protests I have to sit back.

I'm ALL for jumping into the discussion while the fire is still burning, however, when no leader(s) arises AND we haven't created sound reasons for each effort, I'm skeptical.

I can have completely different motives for why I engage in a protest than the organizer or even the person beside me. Given that reason alone and many others it's very difficult for me to fully support these efforts. And although people have posted change.org petitions (or the like), the people who are creating these petitions aren't known and these people aren't necessarily at the forefront of any of these protests.

With the internet and all kinds of social media, I think people take face-to-face interactions and general organization skills for granted. I say this because a LOT of the efforts I have seen over these past few weeks have solely been advertised through some form of social media. Even the discussions are online. I'm looking for someone to not just organize through Facebook, but, maybe, possibly, knock on my door...Maybe?

I said in my last post that I'm not a fan of, what's basically, the "bandwagon effect" that occurs with my peers. But it's not JUST because of the bandwagoners that I have a little bit of a problem with social media. It's mainly because through constant reposting, vision gets clouded.
It's literally like playing telephone.

And I mainly fear that people who are organizing these events aren't even creating a clear vision other than being heard.

Just the other day I reposted a photo regarding a protest that was affectionately called a "Die in" which was very reminiscent of the sit-ins that occurred in the 50s.
I loved the creativity of it, but almost immediately after reposting it, a thought entered my mind... What's the end goal of this protest?

During the Civil Rights movement of the 1900s, there was a HUGE goal to desegregate public establishments. From schools, to buses, to... restaurants. When, at one point segregation was legal, these people were making many efforts to change the laws.

So... Fastforward to these past few weeks and I have to admit, I'm a little confused. "Dying" in a mall to the point of the mall having to shutdown does what in effect to police brutality, systematic racism, prejudice, or the many other issues that the Mike Brown case (if I can now even call it that) brought up? And this is a VERY literal question because in my mind I don't see it.

Are there, right now, people attempting to have something legally changed in order to move forward? I NEED to know!
Because either all of these efforts are premature (because these fires will burn out before any real efforts are made) or... someone is doing a REALLY bad job at getting the word out.

So... To end this, if someone can let me know what's REALLY going on, please do. I legitimately want to be involved, just not with mess or pointlessness & this is looking and feeling a lot like that...

Stay Blessed y'all,
❤❤
-Benita (:

Why I WON'T Be Participating in the "Blackout"

I'm over y'all.
My thoughts at 10:44pm. Just about 4 hours after they announced the Grand Jury's decision NOT to indict Darren Wilson for the murder or 19-year old Mike Brown

Less than 5 hours and I am completely over y'all.
And by "y'all", I mean my peers. My fellow black adults; old and young; I'm over you all.

From riots to peaceful protests to "#NoJusticeNoPeace"... I am tired.
I'm tired of everything being a trend, a fad, a bandwagon for you to feel included. I'm tired of the news & "#Ferguson" being all but MIA with the Mike Brown case for... (how long ago was Mike Brown killed? 100 days?) so... for approximately 95 days.
I'm tired of bootleg protests and makeshift petitions.
I'm tired of basic reposts of a repost of a tweet that you ONLY reposted because it sounded cool, but you didn't even bother to go on Twitter and at least look at what was being said, in full context, by the person you reposted.
Better yet, join the conversation.
but no... That's a little too much. Maybe it requires a little bit more knowledge and work than you think is necessary.
We ALL know this is a crisis, right?
If this is how you act in a crisis... Remind me to identify some alternative hotlines.

I'm tired y'all. My heart is heavy and I want to speak, but I feel like a moment of silence is more needed.
I feel like a moment of more than 1 hour of planning a protest is needed.
I feel like a time to come together and get on the same page, in person, not via repost, is needed...

I love the age of technology. The message and the news spreads so quickly, but just as quickly, the fire burns out.
I can't deal.
We can't deal, or grow, or be... Like this...
I NEED to get involved. Life is TOO short, my weekends are TOO long.
Although I claim this as a lie every Monday... THIS Monday is a little different.
Today, I'm tired.
And not just because my day at work was long, but because I discovered, or rather it was reaffirmed, just how long this has been going on...
Not just the hate; not just the cycle of discrimination; but the cycle of passive aggressiveness amongst my peers.
Within myself.
I can't deal like this y'all.
There's far too much love, too much PASSION inside of me to go on like this.

I'm not saying stop... I'm saying DON'T STOP!
Don't stop paying attention just because it's no longer a trending topic.
Don't stop just because no one liked it as much.
Don't stop.
Do not stop trying.
If we really care about this, seriously care. Then at some point more moves need to be made than running into a store and looting.
More moves need to be made than screenshotting an awesome post so that you can post it too.
MOVES need to be made.

And that means time and effort needs to be given.
Time like the time put into The Montgomery Bus Boycott (because Rosa Parks was handpicked to sit there, FYI).
Time like the time put into preparing for sit-ins and Freedom Rides, & school integrations.
Not the time it took you to read this (and yes, I'm aware this is "long").

I'm done just watching everyone fall off then not saying anything until the news brings it up again.
I'm ready to get involved.
I mean, INvolved.
because I'm SO over the alternative.

Because I LOVE the fire, but the smoke seems to last longer these days.

Well... I CARE || Mentoring

Did you know that January is National Mentoring Month?!

Well, it is.
In my last post I emphasized the importance of getting involved in our communities in order to affect change. That's a big deal. However, there are multiple ways to get involved. And mentoring is one of my long-term favorites.
Since I was a junior in high school mentoring has been a big part of my life. Not because I had a mentor, but because I've been one. Formally (as a part of an organization) and informally. Through the various experiences I had as a mentor my passion for this role was ignited.
In 2009 I accepted an intern position at Virginia Mentoring Partnership and it was through that experience that I got a behind the scenes look at what it's like to start a mentoring organization. It was truly one of my favorite experiences.

Now, as a youth leader in my church and a case manager for children, I get to do that role in so many different ways...

But that's me.

Today, there are thousands of youth across the nation who are in need of a mentor, but... There's no one there.
People often assume that organizations that we know about are all set to meet that need, but the reality is... They have about 10x as much demand than they can supply. In other words, there are at least 10 youth to every volunteer mentor. And given many people can't afford the time it takes to mentor one child for a year... That's a LONG wait list.
I, myself, have submitted applications for mentors 2years ago... And we're still waiting to hear back.
And we'll probably be waiting for a whole.
Sadly, this trend is not unusual. As an intern, 5 years ago, we got way more calls looking for a mentor organization than we ever got for volunteers.
As such, you see a lot more programs that are school-based and that do group mentoring than you do individual or one-on-one. It's beneficial, but not as much as it could be.

It's my desire, in the near future, to start my own organization to be a part of the change I want to see, but there's got to be one thing... Volunteers.

I urge my peers to step out and be a part of someone's life. If you commit to just one year of consistency. Doing anything from watching a movie, to going to a museum, to watching a sports game... You're presence will be felt.

Just know:
Mentoring is not about you being a "role model" or a parent.
It's not about You at all.

Mentoring is about being a positive influence... a voice of encouragement... a friend...
It's about Them.

Opportunities are endless. I listed a few of the larger websites below, but there are SO many options. Look in your church, local schools, or be an informal mentor to a kid in need.
And... If you're like me, and watch to start an organization on your own... Visit the MENTOR website and get connected. They offer FREE trainings for people seeking to start their own organization and for all of the volunteers.

Let me know how it goes & I'll definitely keep you posted on my end.

Stay Blessed.
💙💙
-Benita (:

Websites:

MENTOR
www.mentoring.org

Big Brothers Big Sisters of America
www.bbbs.org

YMCA
www.ymca.org

Well... I CARE! || NAMI Walk 2014

On Saturday, October 18th, I will be taking a great step in not only my fitness journey, but in general my life journey. On that day, I will be completing my first 5K by participating in the NAMI Walk.

I'm really excited about it.

Mental illness has been a huge part of my life. My mother has had bipolar disorder since I was a young child. Andcas a child there's one thing you learn about mental illness... You don't tell anyone about it. It was likely that kind of culture that led to me having my own challenges with anxiety and depression. Nonetheless, feeling unable to control my life and seeing my mom become someone else throughout my life, while suffering in silence led to my vowing, in high school, to never work in the behavioral health field...

Fast forward to 5 years later and I ended up becoming a behavioral health case manager for youth.

Funny how God works.
Over the years I realized that all of the things I witnessed and experienced were there to equip me for what was to come. I've managed to remain at this job for 4 years (in December) and each day I grow and learn and appreciate my life.
Through the years I've developed a passion for mental health awareness, so being a part of this walk is an expression of that.
I've participated in the NAMI Walk for the past 2 years and this upcoming walk will make it 3. I don't think I've ever asked for donations for my participation in this walk, but there was something about this one that I felt a need to go a step further.
With the way mental illness has played a part with my entire family over this past year, I felt that it was almost symbolic of me to not only participate in the walk, but to do my first 5K as a part of the NAMI Walk.
It's all ironic, but I'm really excited about it all.

I say I'm a rebel with a cause (or 5) and this is just one of them.

So... Click the link & Sponsor Me Here if you're able. NAMI is such a great resource for so many of us affected by mental illness that it's so worth it to support. Giving even a dollar will provide this organization and families out there with needed resources and supports to end the stigma on mental illness and educate others on mental health.

Stay Blessed y'all.
❤❤
-Benita (:

Dating Jesus || Don't Let Fear Prevent Praise

This weekend has been crazy. I'm still not sure exactly how i feel, but... I feel much better after writing this.
I can be pretty open, but these past few months have been difficult for me so I've been pretty shut off, hence my not writing. However, these days, in spite of my increased feelings if anxiety, I feel better. Mainly because I'm seeing more and more that if I say what's in my head... I can likely get someone to shine some light and speak some life into me. So my peace increases.
With this, I figured I'd share one of the recent lessons I learned and try to work on continuing my "Dating Jesus" series.
Here ya go and I hope this helps.
Also, I'm going to reference some of the scriptures that are helping me rebuke the lies and embrace His truth.

So... I got a new car yesterday...
And instead of being happy about the blessing that is the ability to be on the road again (including, but not limited to: being able to run my needed errands w/out the task of defeating feelings of pride & guilt, being able to do my job better, AND getting back to receiving my mileage reimbursement) I found myself depressed, disappointed, guilty, and still anxious.

Then today, while expressing my thoughts for the 10th time or so... I realized what was happening...
I was allowing fear to begat fear and, in tern, prevent me from praising God...

I was feeling completely wrong because my action WAS made off of fear so I felt that it was only just that God allow me to fall so I didn't thank Him... At all. I'm not saying that this was all blessed by God, but I AM saying God will bless me.

I'm not perfect. There are times when I have and probably will foolishly ignore wisdom or fall victim to my lack of faith, but God is my Father. He is my guide and He is not in the business of letting me fall [Psalms 55:22, Hebrews 13:5-6]. This may be a lesson, but in the midst of it, I can't refuse to thank God for giving me what I asked for... And ultimately this is Grace activated.

He's over here preparing me and even allowing me to see how I can be better in the future; who i can talk to; how to move forward, but I was focused on things I can't change anymore.

He has given me victory, peace, joy, grace, and He has promised me that all things will work for the good [Isaiah 12:2, Philipians 4:7 Psalms 46:10, Matthew 21:28, Ephesians, Psalms 119:143, Romans 8:28]. I'm NOT going to allow fear to override my praise. I'm NOT going to forget that God is able to do WAY more than I can ask or think [Ephesians 3:20]. And I'm NOT going to forget that God chose Me so He's got me [Romans 8:28-30].

Stay Blessed y'all
❤❤
-Benita

National Suicide Prevention

I haven't written in a WHILE. Not since starting my true fitness journey in July. Today, however, I felt drawn to type about my car on Facebook; just to vent, and then it randomly turned into me exposing a little more about myself than I wanted to. But... With the way my year has been set up... I felt the need to make a little bit more noise...
Below you'll find what I posted, but since this is home I wanted to add a little more...
Mainly that this year has truly taken its toll on me. 

From my mom, to my job, to my friendships and my weight; I have felt terrible way more often than I have felt good. And although this is still a struggle, I finally see light. Some of the light has scared me and affected me in ways that brought feelings I still can't describe. Then there's the light of simply knowing that God has got me and on top of that... I cannot give up. 

I declared this year the year of Never Giving Up. And I forgot that, but yet it still took hold in my spirit; In my soul. 

I refuse to give up. 

And that is truly ALL GOD. 

And in knowing THAT brings me so much random bits of peace. Something else I can't describe.
So yea... In the midst of my sorrow and fear I'm grateful to God for instilling HOPE in me. And through hope I become resilient and strong and joyful...

My Fb post.
My car has been out of commission for almost 2 weeks.
Which means I haven't been able to go to church for 2 weeks and effectively doing my job has been THE struggle. I have been on one of the worst emotional, financial and spiritual rollercoasters of my life for 2 weeks.
My pride, my faith, my love, & my ability to cry have been tested several times this year and this was like the icing on the cake.

But I realized that no matter what happens to me...
(And as a person who struggles with anxiety, believe me when I say I thought of everything that could happen)...
I will ALWAYS declare Jesus is Lord;
God will ALWAYS be my Abba Father;
and I will ALWAYS remember the many ways God has shown up and showed out in my life.

I thank God for just being able to hold on to something. My past victories; His promises; and just Hope.
People don't always feel like they have those. Any of them.

And during National Suicide Prevention Week and more specifically this being National Suicide Prevention Day...
I felt that it was important for people to understand the power of Hope. The power of Faith. and the power in His Love.

There are people who struggle EVERY DAY living in their own heads. Tortured by the thought that, not only does life suck right now, but that there is no way it is going to get better or that the pain is not tolerable enough to hold on until it does.

There's that wonderful quote out there, I don't know who stated it, but it was a great truth.
"Suicide doesn't end the chances of life getting worse, suicide eliminates the chances of it ever getting better."

And what people don't realize, sometimes, is the absolute Joy that you feel when things actually get better...

If we can, as a community, focus more on just instilling hope and strength and light into one another. If we could just be there for each other. Not to give advice all the time or correct all the time, but simply just listen and speak Life into each other...
Then prevention, instead of what always feels more like awareness... Would feel more attainable.

Just praying for people out there right now...

Be Great y'all.

❤❤
-Benita (:

"Be Fat Free" & other Triumphs

Today was a little bit beyond crazy for me. I can't even explain it...

It's funny though because today was the day I decided to start what I needed to, spiritually and physically, to break this cycle that I've found myself in.
I woke up so anxious and scared and ended my day at work more anxious and scared...
And usually I jump IMMEDIATELY into my usual stress eating. No matter the commitment I made. Ignore my goals... I can start over tomorrow, but today...
I made a choice to ignore myself and stay focused. I ignored the desire to go against what I knew I needed because I refuse to lose this battle. I refuse to lose this war.

So... Today... I went to the gym instead (after I winded down with random YouTube videos for a minute) and I wrote and now I'm going to do a little bit of prayer because I NEED those things and I won't be distracted or attempt to manipulate myself into thinking I need something else. I even made it a point not to come home and eat ANYthing immediately because that's still a reinforcement of a lie (the lie that I can actually find comfort in food).

As another little plus for me, this helped affirm for me that I was going to move forward with my plans for the rest of the year.
One fun on is I made another Instagram wholly dedicated to My fitness/health journey. I named it "Be.FatFree" Lol.
Feel free to follow it, just to make me happy. And see the progress I make over these next few... Wait. This is permanent. So... Follow it to see the progress I make... Period 😀

Alright, I'm out. I gotta do this hair now that I've sweat so profusely. 😛

This is just the beginning, but... I'm doing it.

Be Blessed y'all.
😘❤

-Benita

Dating Jesus || Don't Get Distracted

There's a lot that can be said about a strategically placed distraction.

They can come from ourselves, someone else, our own priorities, but no matter what their mission is to keep you unaware of what you're supposed to be paying attention to.

It's funny that just this past week Az has been displaying on the road, signs that say "Highways don't kill people, Distracted Drivers Do". Whilst reading one of those signs for the umpteenth time, I actually got a little distracted myself and almost side-swiped the divider. This had me thinking.... Distractions are everywhere this week. And they come in different forms.

Let's take, for instance, this recent situation with my friends.
Last Friday, at the movies... Now this story is blatant with it's intent, if you look at it from a spiritual perspective.
So last Friday a few of my friends decided to go to the movies and see Son of God. Me and one of my friend (J) are intent on getting one of our other friends (P) saved (I'm using initials here so the confusion doesn't exist). So here we are sitting in the theater with literally only 10 or so  people.
Enter the distraction...
We manage, somehow, to sit in the seats directly in front of 2 people that decided to bring in 2 toddlers. Or should I say they decided to sit behind us.
Literally throughout the entirety of this 2 and a half hour movie these babies are talking, making noises, whining, pushing the backs of our seats, & just being completely annoying. I mean ALL if our seats got pushed at least 3x each. During Son of God.
Now we contemplated moving but there were 4 of us and we all had stuff so I really didn't feel like moving, plus I felt like the noise was loud enough that it wouldn't matter where we moved; these kids would be heard.

So... we stayed in our seats.
But just after we get to the parts of the movie where it didn't feel rushed and we could all start grasping what was going on... P has had enough with the kids so she asks the family of 4 behind us, to move because they were being disrespectful. Mind you not once had they attempted to remove their children or redirect them from making noise or kicking/pushing our seats. So we ALL were done.
Of course they weren't about that moving life and basically tried to throw at P "wait until you have kids..." and some other irrelevant statements that had nothing to do with the fact that their children were being disruptive during a movie that we all paid for and... kind of wanted to listen to and watch.
So there was a little drama and after things calmed down P was still mad so... her head space was gone...

You see where I'm going here? The kids were a distraction. During a movie that could have easily watered or planted some seeds of truth for P (and really for all of us in the theater), all of in the theater were thinking about this current state of tensionin the theater.
This led to J and I being irritated and calling it what it was... the devil. Lol
When we say that, we're not saying the kid was possessed, per say, BUT we are saying that the enemy used that opportunity to distract us ALL from getting fed and taking in truth.
And in all realness I found myself getting distracted by attempting to find errors in the movie. Either because something was out of order or because there were things that were just missing.
So maybe the distraction wasn't even bad because the movie wasn't the full truth. Stories were either edited or embellished for the movies sake as if the truth isn't enough. But I won't go into that rant right now.
I just wanted to note how powerful a distraction can be. We just wanted the opportunity to at least have room for conversation about the movie afterwards, but because of the drama... we had to de-escalate & recap the drama versus the Word.

Let me go one step further and be honest...
I have not had one single date with Jesus since I posred about it last week.
From the exhaustion of last week, to having visitors over the weekend, to yet another exhausting week, to work keeping me away from home until late...
I have been busy.
And NO time has been made for those 40minutes to spend my time with Him. I've read my devotionals, prayed, and listened to my worship music, but no official dates (in relation to last week's challenge). That's actually why I decided to write this piece. I noticed what was happening on Sunday. From the stuff with my friends and my slacking I knew what was happening. There were some strategic elements of distraction at play here and I was falling right into it all.
The bad part is, I saw what was happening and didn't take control of it. I even got so exhausted today that I forgot all about even writing about this. And for those that this may help, that's saying something about a distraction' s abilities. There's a saying that goes something like, the devil may not keep you tempted, but he will keep you busy... well, that's veen me these past 8 days. Completely out of it. I've been seeing some great things happen, but in the same token I haven't even been able to celebrate because I'm too pooped at the end of it all.

I write all this to ask, have You been getting distracted lately? Are there areas that you've wanted to focus on, but you've found yourself getting pulled away? And the thing that's occupying your time may not even be a bad thing. It could be work, family, a conversation with a friend in need (that just happens to take place during yoir designated "date time"), or anything else, but you have to question... How is/did/will that activity affect my focus on my spiritual goal?
And these daily Dates are a goal. There's a great verse that has been in my head all week (mainly due to my challenges with eating but it all relates):
1 Corinthians 10:23 NLT
You say, “I am allowed to do anything” —but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.

The shorthand version of that is this:
Everything is Permissible (or allowed), but everything is NOT Beneficial.
When avoiding distractions in your relationship with God, think about how whatever else it is you want to do will affect the effort that you need to make in drawing nearer to Him.
You can talk to your friend on the phone during your date time but will that benefit you. You chose that time, hopefully, because it was convenient and worked with your schedule. I choose 6:30 because it gives me time to get home fron work, deal with the dogs, & even wind down a little. But also by 7:30 I can take time to talk to a friend or watch t.v.
Don't allow something that can be postponed or even completely left alone to take your time away from developing a VERY beneficial relationship.
That's my goal moving forward.
I thank God for His grace and I try my best to do the beneficial.

Stay Blessed y'all.

♡♥
-Benita

Dating Jesus || 30-day Challenge

Happy Friday's Eve!

Last week I posted about staying committed and the challenges I've recently had with improving my relationship with Christ. 

Today I'm going to start a challenge that was first introduced to me last December by my church's Young Adult ministry (CORE) leader. It's actually what inspired the name "Dating Jesus" in the first place.

For 30-days Commit to spending 40 minutes each day Dating (or getting to know) God.

This consists of 4 elements:
1) Spend 10 minutes reading the Bible
2) Spend 5 minutes praying
3) Spend 15 minutes meditating/listening to God (it helped me to keep a notepad around so I could write what I felt I was hearing)
And...
4) Spend the last 10 minutes in praise & worship. 
Here's the fun part...
You praise & worship with no music (as in no recorded music)

Doing this (although I fell off after 2-weeks... just being honest) really helped me see where I was falling off with my relationship with God. And it was during those "dates" that I saw how important it is to remember that this IS a relationship that I Chose to enter into and just like any relationship, communication is key.

God communicates with Us through his Word. We communicate with his through prayer. And when it comes to praise & worship... well who DOESN'T like to feel validated? God said himself that he is a jealous God. During those moments of praise & worship I truly had to think about why I love Him and who He is to Me. I wasn't just singing along with a song I remembered most of yhe words to.. This was my moment to be completely mindful of what I was saying.

At one point I couldn't figure out the RIGHT words to say. So I Googled the names of God. Some may be familiar with terms like Yahweh, Jehovah Jireh (or Yireh), or El Shaddai, but if you're likee you either had NO idea what those terms mean or you just didn't feel that they resonated with you. So, lucky me I previously attended a Women's Bible study a few years back that solely focused on the different names of God. I lost the paper that gave each name (per the Bible) & their meaning, but I know almost Anything can be found on Google. Lol
As such I did my search and came across so many names. I actually found a website that gave a great list with the meanings and verses.

As I was looking at the list, I came across the term "Abba Father" which basically means "Daddy". Not in the "Baby Daddy" form but in the "my Daddy", "my Dad", my provider, protector, teacher, disciplinarian, informal doctor, and whatever other role those Dad's play. When I saw that term, I immediately attached to it. THAT is who God has been to me. He's convicted me, forgiven me, punished me, praised me, guided me, protected me... Loved ME! Unconditionally. So I HAD to thank Him and honor Him. Just for being my Abba Father.

I say all this because one of the biggest mistakes we can make as Christians is getting stuck in a routine with our praise and worship. We say "Hallelujah" simply because we know it is the "highest praise" but we fail to try and figure out what exactly we are trying to praise God for. And who wants an pseudo-praise with no real reason behind it? Let's work on really praising & worshipping God "in Spirit and in truth" like the Bible instructs us.

One thing that helps me keep Him in mind is that I literally have an alarm that goes off each day with the title "Date Time". Corny? Yes, but effective.

I hope you try this challenge again with me and know that I REALLY want to hear from you on how you're doing and what was easy or hard.

Do what works for you. And if one day you forget, it happens. God's mercy is new EVERY morning so there's no need to stress or feel like you've failed at something. The purpose is to never give up on your relationship with God. It doesn't have to look just like everyone else's but you can't really consider it functional if you don't get to know Who it is you're in a relationship with for yourself.

Just think about how much you'd believe that you're friend, or boyfriend, or parent (for all intents and purposes) really loved you if they only told you through their "best friend". This relationship is reciprocal that way because God needs to hear from you just as much as you need to hear from Him.

Ok. Im out. I have a date that I'm kind of late for....

Stay Blessed y'all.

♡♥
-Benita (:

Dating Jesus || In ALL things... Have Grace

If I've learned one thing during my weight-loss journey it is the importance of having grace for myself.

I know this series usually focuses on my relationship with God, but for me, my weight-loss/fitness journey is my visual representation of my walk with Christ. For me, I can see no difference between how I take care of my body & how I worship God. After all, we are called to worship and honor God with our bodies [Romans 12:1; 1 Corinthians 6:20]. So it only makes since that I use this example when talking about grace.

Currently I am in this place in my weight-loss journey that I've seen before. Feeling a little hopeless. Hopeless because of countless attempts to eat better and exercise but I keep allowing myself to be distracted or unmotivated. I fail. And because I keep telling myself that I'm failing or I suck at this, I remain in this pattern of self-hate. And that's unhealthy.

So, I had to step back (and really I have to do this often) and remind myself that I truly can start over at any time. And although I might be operating in fear right now, God has given me grace and victory over anything. I have to remind myself that every error I make is just that, an error. It's a part of the journey and I can't hold onto a false belief that I'm going to get everything right the first time I try. I spent 20+ years creating bad habits for myself. One day won't immediately erase those habits.

You have to have grace and allow for mistakes because in all realness; You're learning how to live again.

The same thing can be said for your Spiritual journey. You're a new creation which means old things are officially in the past, but this doesn't mean old habits just end. It doesn't mean old beliefs that we held on to just go away. And this doesn't mean you will automatically be able to do everything you're supposed to do the first time you try. This is why I choose to emphasize this as a "journey".

Ultimately God intends to work on us as individuals and as a Body until the day Jesus returns [ Philippians 1:6]. This means there will always be areas of growth and improvement. And this means that there will also be times where we fall short or even give up. That's the human in us. The goal, however is that, eventually, we become completely Spirit led.

The thing about that is, we have to put in a lot of effort and time throughout our lives in order to know God's will for us and in order to do His will. Again, this is where error is expected. And this is why God's grace is sufficient. We just don't want to become dependent on Grace when we can do better with His Spirit in us. God's grace is what has frees us from having to live in sin [Galatians 5:13; Romans 6].

So... today, I'm going to walk in God's grace and forgive myself for the mistakes I make along this journey to full health. I will proclaim victory over my entire life because God has graced me with it. And I will NEVER give up on myself because God chose me and adopted me. Because God needs me to help Glorify Him. And God loves me so much that he allowed Jesus to be crucified for me.

I will rebuke any thoughts that attempt to keep me trapped in my old ways and rebuke myself if needed.

I pray that in all things... we ALL experience and dwell in God's grace & glory.

Stay Blessed y'all.

♡♥
-Benita

Dating Jesus || Staying Committed

I have a confession...

I have a problem with commitment.

Not in relationships... well, I guess in relationships, but not the kind you're probably thinking of.
You see, I have a problem with committing to myself.
With committing to changing myself fully; with committing to accepting my purpose; and really, with committing to my personal relationship with God.

I'm a faster... as in, I fast, kind of often... well, at least I try to.
In 2012, when I did my first fast, I must say, although it was a challenge, once I got the hang of it & made it a habit with purpose, I was good. At one point I fasted for 40-days. I'm not bragging, because the circumstance kind of required it, but I'm just saying...that was me over a year ago.

But then...2013 came. Last March I wrote a piece on "No Compromising Season"... that was the season I was in. During that time, it was my intent to fast again because I'd noticed a few things and I felt my flesh getting too strong. I had started to lose control.
Before I move on, I feel that it's necessary to reiterate that when it comes to my relationship with God; my physical health is pretty much my visual indicator of how I'm doing. (And on a funnier note, I've kind of used my natural hair journey as an indicator too).
So last March when I noticed my weight gain + my hair breakage I was perplexed. I had felt that I was doing the right things in my walk to at least maintain a healthy weight (and healthy hair), but my body said otherwise. So when I wrote "No Compromising Season" I had a few revelations. The biggest one being... I was allowing myself to be content with mediocre efforts.
The reality was, although my eating wasn't horrible,  I was inconsistent. And didn't go to the gym. And when it came to my relationship with God, I went to church, but had stopped meditating on God's Word as soon as I felt that His Spirit was no longer responding to the effort.

I had become lax... I had started comprising during the process. RIGHT when I had to start making a little more effort, I fell off. And that is how I became vulnerable. The minute I let go of what worked was the minute the enemy crept in and presented me with opportunity after opportunity to forget where I was going and why. And with some of the smallest of thing. God had continued to tell me I was in a season where I couldn't compromise within the journey, but the longer I ignored that voice the easier it was to give in and indulge in things that weren't good for me. I, in essence, started cheating on God. I couldn't see it though because it was nothing "major". I still attended church & served, & listened to Christian music every morning. I just listened to my secular music the rest of the day and had stopped making efforts to improve my service or even make sure I did it to glorify Him instead of myself. 
As a result... eventually I couldn't even tell whose voice I was hearing; who I was really devoting myself to; whose spirit I was really walking in.

And I'm still in the struggle. It's better, but after a year of compromises, I've found that the things that I used to do, like fasting, take 4x as much effort a day than it did that first time. And that's a scary place to be.
I said a while ago that I will never give up on my fitness journey and this goes for maturing in Christ as well.
He didn't create me to be mediocre. He created me to glorify Him. He created me to be His child. He created me to be set apart. And for a God that loved me so much that He died for me... I can never give up allowing my flesh to die for Him. And for the God who rose from the dead for me... I will always take each day to rise out of my failures for Him.
It won't be easy, and that's ok. Because I am His I receive victory. Because of His Spirit in me & His grace, I have strength & wisdom. Because of His Word I have all the weapons I need to be an overcomer.

And the same goes for you! Today you may not be the best "Christian" you can be or life may generally suck; that doesn't mean you can just do the "fade away" with God. One, He's good for chasing after you. Lol. And, Two, He deserves better. 

How can you get re-committed?

Seek His face... get to know who God is; how he operates; for yourself. Take a little time (5 minutes never hurt anyone). Read His Word & pray. Keep a verse in your head for the day. Learn who He is.

I personally love Psalms 119... longest book in the Bible, but probably contains something for everyone. One verse from that can reveal your heart. Give it a try... you have to start somewhere. 

Ok.
This is way longer than I thought it would be, but... this is me at 12am on a weekday like I don't have to work in less than 8 hours.

Stay Blessed y'all.

♡♥
-Benita (:

Dating Jesus|| Forgiving God

Being in a relationship with Christ isn't always easy.
People tend to have this perception that once you get Saved or reborn or whatever that life is grand from there... but the reality is... it's tough. Maturing in Christ is probably the epitome of "The Struggle Life".

As a case manager a lot of the teams I work with get extra excited when I get assigned to them. Not because of me, but because of what I do. They have this idea in their head that life will be grand from that first meeting on...
And then... several months later when things are either the same or worse I have to have that conversation that "things will likely get worse before they get better".

Coming to Christ is sometimes like that. At first the sheer thought of finally accepting Christ builds you up & holds you over for a few months. After all, the weight of unforgiveness is heavy so being able to accept God's forgiveness and having that load removed makes EVERYTHING feel better.

But then... reality starts to set in. Change isn't happening as fast as you thought it would. In fact, you find that you're having to put in a little more effort just to feel peace. You start to see things within yourself that you never noticed before. You start noticing that some of the people in your life aren't who you thought they were and you notice some of the hurt you either hadn't remembered or hadn't realized.

This is when forgiveness and trust start to become an issue. Not that you need to forgive people, but you have to forgive God (not because He did something wrong, but because we feel that He did).
In the midst of your hurt, you start to feel even greater hurt because God didn't stop the pain or because God allowed you to experience a time in your life that you would have rather been omitted from your story.

And that causes some bitterness. And... you hit a wall.
The moment I realized I had to put an effort into trusting God was after I hit this wall for the first time.

All my life I was taught to love God & worship Him and have faith, but no one ever taught me that these things aren't instant. And trusting God will only come when you forgive Him...
And the easiest way to forgive is to understand His Word & KNOW that ALL things work together for the good to them that Love the Lord & are called according to His purpose.
And remember that OUR purpose is to Glorify God & bring people to Him.

So... even if you don't know WHY that particular something happened. Know that it is in the benefit of you. Either simply to give you a reason to come to him or as complex as being a testimony for someone you may never meet.

Stay Blessed y'all, 

♡♥

-Benita (:

**photo: excerpt from The Purpose Driven Life**

The Evolution of Lola || Maxi-Hair Vitamins: mini-Update

Hi there!

It's been 34 days since I started taking Country Life's Maxi-Hair Vitamins  as a part of my hair growth journey!
I wanted to follow up with you all monthly regarding this experience because I will be making my decision to continue or discontinue these brand of vitamins based off of  3 months of usage.
So... here's my update thus far.

I'm not overly impressed... yet.
From what I can tell my hair is maintaining its usual growth rate of about 1/4 to 1/3 of an inch a month. As I stated this is only day 34 so there's not much I expected to observe in this timeframe in regards to my hair. As such, I have been looking at my nail growth & strength.

This, however, is why I'm a little concerned.
At this point I see my nails growing, but my problem is that they have been chipping off fairly easily.
If this is any reflection of what my hair is doing... Lord have mercy!

Now let me be clear about something that I am almost certain may be contributing to my frustration.
My water intake sucks.
Up left; down right.
It sucks.
I'm lucky if I get in 16oz a day. Since I know this, I'm giving these pills the benefit of the doubt right now because my water intake will definitely skew my results. Which means it will screw me over if I don't improve it.

If you follow me on my Instagram then you may have seen that i not only popped in a protective style for a second there, I also just did a blow-out (picture posted). All these things can affect my length retention rate, but 'tis life & I'll note if I see an increase in breakage or anything.
That's what this is for anyways. Right?

Ok. I'll follow up next month as this journey continues

Wish me luck & please let me know your experiences with these or any other vitamins.

♡♥
-Benita (:

The Evolution of Lola || Natural Hair Update

I don't think I have given an official update on my hair journey... ever. Funny because I am constantly posting pictures on my Instagram, but in regards to updates on my regimen or goals or even challenges, I haven't done. I have been natural almost 2.5 years (it'll be official on the 27th of this month!) and started my journey almost 3.5 years ago.
Throughout this time I have experienced so much and I figured that it was time to start sharing this fantastic journey with you all.

With my decision to commit to a new routine of taking hair, skin, & nails vitamins, what better time to start?

Periodically throughout 2013 I was taking different brands of vitamins because I really wanted to see if I could see a difference in my hair growth or hair health.

This past summer I did pretty good with being consistent with one brand and as a result I did see an increase in my growth rate. The funny thing is that I usually always see more growth in the summer so I'm not sure if it was the pills or just my usual growth pattern. As such I figured that I should try it now and see if I can see a difference. 

Just to note: I already have a belief that ultimately hair vitamins are vitamins & minerals that are proven to be beneficial to our bodies. Vitamins are made to improve the daily healthy functioning, especially if your regular diet doesn't include your daily needs. With that being said it only makes sense that increasing the intake of certain vitamins and minerals would increase hair growth and/or health. SO I'm taking into consideration that my body, overall will improve by taking these vitamins which adds as an incentive for me.

I'm on a strict budget so Hairfinity and other multivitamins over $15 a month were not considered. Since I still have a few days left of my old bottles (maybe 5,6 more days), I'm going to finish those out then start my new bottle of a different brand.

I'm posting my starting photos as of 2/2/14 (front, side, & back) and each month I will do an update. My hair's uneven so I wanted to be sure I got both sides. I know that it's SO possible for me to forget to take them, especially since I technically still had a few weeks worth of pills from my summer bottle (smh) so I won't leave-out my inconsistency if it happens. 

Below are the vitamins I used last summer as well as the ones I will start using next week.

I'm excited to post my future progress!

I typically grow about 3-4 inches a year (1/2 inch a month) and I will be doing monthly updates so be on the look out.

Wish me luck 

-Benita (:

The Evolution of Lola || That Moment You Realize You're NOT "Tender-headed"

*tug tug, POP*
"Ooouucchh-a!"
"You better hold still! I don't know how you ended up so tender-headed, but you're gonna have to grow out of it..."

I laugh as flashbacks of my BP (before perm) days play in my mind... I can remember being 8 or 9 and having exhausted ALL of my resources (aka my cousins) for getting my hair done. Everyone tried because they loved my hair, but like dominoes they each dropped & gave up, pledging to NEVER do my hair again.

You see... I was the tender-headed one between me and my sister (ok... in my family). Technically, we'd both cringe whenever a comb was raked through our kinks, but by this time my sister had a relaxer and I... was officially "the cryer".
My mom would always compliment my hair and tell me she never wanted me to get a relaxer because she didn't want my texture to change. But as I got older (and she as well) and baretts on 6 random braids was no longer considered an age-appropriate hairstyle, we started to run out of options for my hair. So, in 1999 at the ripe age of 11, I finally convinced my mom into letting me relax my hair. We decided to stick with children's relaxers (PCJ then Just For Me) because "they wouldn't mess up my texture". We're going to save that discussion for another day though.

Life was grand after that. My hair kept growing for the most part and, thanks to some middle school classmates, I learned how to wrap my hair on my own.

Fast-Forward to 2010 and I decided that my September relaxer was going to be my last one. I had to have my hair fresh for my birthday (in October) and I had already started waiting 6 months in between relaxers so... it was time.

It took me almost 7 months into my transition to learn about "transitioning" and all the other information online regarding natural hair and the journey to it. Like everyone else I became a little obsessed with researching and styling and hair maintenance.
And, like most of us, one of the first things I learned was the appropriate way to detangle and/or comb through my hair...
This is when I discovered the truth.
The truth being... I'M NOT TENDER-HEADED!!

I'm not sure how many of you had this discovery, but I promise I feel bamboozled and gyped from my childhood.
And then after I finally cut off my relaxer... and REALLY started styling my own hair and discovered my curl pattern. .. Yea I felt like I had been played my whole life. I mean really, for the first time in my life I saw that it was EVERYone else who was crazy and not me.

That moment you realize that your hair, in all of it's kinky, coily, glory, was never made to be raked through like leaves. That an afro comb is not really your friend. And that Blue Magic is not "Everything". That moment you realize that your mom truly just had no idea what she was doing to your hair...

Yea... THAT moment.
It's almost liberating. It's as if the weight of shame you felt because you just couldn't help but cringe in sheer pain each time that afro comb attempted to make its way from root to end and back again through your dry, but blue magic coated coils.... has veen lifted!

Yea... that moment.

I love that moment because I know that I will be able to pass on the knowledge to not just my peers, but also my Mom (who has been rocking her natural for a few years now) and anyone else.
And... I did...
The following summer I helped facilitate a discussion about hair care with the teen girls at my church. And it was Awesome.

So... I just wanted to let you naturals-formally-known-as-tender-headed that you have won.
And if you actually have a sensitive scalp...??
Well...
then...
this wasn't for you. Lol

Later people (:

♡♥
-Benita

When Fear Becomes You

Fear is such the little punk. It may just be one of the worst things to exist. It's a catalyst for disappointed, doubt, and self-destruction. And it's also pretty powerful. There have been so many times when I have let fear dictate my life and I realize that it is truly THE struggle.

I've feared failure, judgement, rejection, & even success. It's funny though, because even when I recognize the fear for what it is, I still manage to ignore it and the accompanied need to change my thinking. This, of course, leads to the  originally feared result.
A self-fulfilled prophecy if you will.

Even with me doing my blog, okay, especially with doing my blog... I get afraid of ALL of those things. So, as a result nothing happens and then I get disappointed and mad because I didn't put myself out there. The same can even be said for my weight-loss journey. In the past I mentioned that I feared success when it came to this area and although I reached a few milestones in the past, I let fear (and pride) come back into my life and I've reaped the results.
This has been me for the past few years.

As a writer and as a person I've seen my growth, but I've somehow convinced myself that it's not worth exposing. I've had many successes (and failures), but i allowed doubt to grow in my mind and didn't share what I've veen learning. I love that so many of us have the ability to inspire & encourage one another and I've become passionate about being a part of that. But still... i didn't stay committed.
As this new year gets into full swing I have been increasingly confronted with not only the need to change, but the idea of just working towards fulfilling my destiny.

So... here I am, continuing this journey of destiny fulfillment and I'm making it a point to focus on those things I've grown to be increasingly passionate about through the years. Those things that I've determined I will never give up on, no matter how many times I may fall.
And I'm making it a point to not stress over the things I can't control, but rather I'm just going to be honest and do what I do best.
God has given me gifts & with that I have a responsibility to do what I can with these gifts to glorify Him.

And that is exactly what I intend to do.

2 Timothy 1:7 NLT || For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

♡♥
-Benita (:

Le Struggle Life || Same Vision, Different Goals

Here I go again...

So, as usual, the struggle to get fit is REAL. I've been watching myself, over the past year, gain every bit of the weight that I had lost back.
It sucks.

I've made mention before that my physical health has a strong correlative relationship with my spiritual health. As such, when I first started noticing the weight gain, I immediately wanted to figure out where I was slipping. And it took me months. Almost until the end of last year to figure it out, but I got it. Aside from my eating being sporadic along with my exercising, my general focus had shifted back to an unhealthy one... 

I wanted to lose weight.

Although my being over 200lbs warrants a need to lose weight, that shouldn't be my focus.
I've been setting myself up for failure.

I could spend as much time as I wanted to worried about the number on the scale, but that wasn't pushing me to stick with anything. There needed to be a full shift.
At some point I had to accept that I needed to create HEALTHY Habits for myself. There's no one-time shot at this thing. My lifestyle of worshipping God with my body has to be a LifeStyle. My way of life. My own personal culture. And I hadn't Really accepted that. I wanted to look a certain way by a certain time to prove Something to nobody in particular. And the reality is... I entered into a relationship with Jesus a LONG time ago so He is the one I should be trying to impress. He is the one I should be attempting to please. And ultimately, through my diligence, He will be glorified.

I'm blessed each day that I wake up because it's another chance to get this right. I'm not settling for mediocre anything and I'm not going to attempt to withhold grace from myself when I do mess up. 

No longer will I convince myself that I'm just supposed to be fat, simply because it's hard to find a balance that works for me.
No.
Not anymore. No excuses.
With all that said, I have set it in my mind (and on paper) that no matter what, I'm never giving up this journey. No matter how long it may take me, I'm worth way too much to neglect myself. Afterall, Jesus died for me to have victory.

So, in order to support my healthy addiction to never giving up, I've decided to take this ship one step further:

1) I joined a gym [my apartment fitness center may be convenient & free, but it's no motivation to keep me going... so I figured if I'm paying I might have a little bit more invested]

2) I'm sticking with making monthly, weekly, & daily fitness goals (getting my water intake up is my only daily goal for the moment). Each month I'll take the time to evaluate my progress towards my goals, see what I still need to work on & why, and I will carryover and unmet goals (making any changes as needed)

3) I'm making it my biggest goal to get moving! I spent 5 years in college & 13 years in school before that. I walked ALL my life. But as an adult my life is nothing but sitting down. I'm either at my desk or driving all day & I've neglected the physical activity my body was used to doing in order to, if nothing else, maintain my weight. So, I'm keeping this in mind when it comes to physical activity. When I talk about balance, this one plays a huge part in my struggle. I'm focusing more on it, but it's definitely hard.

And last, but not least...

4) I'm setting a goal to do Color Me Rad this year. I'm really excited about this one. Phoenix has theirs in November so that gives me plenty of time to train. It'll be my first race... Ever. (Yikes)
I'm hopeful to do a practice 5K before, but life has been semi-stupid recently so we shall see...

So the saga continues...

I'd love to hear from you:
Can you relate?
Let me know what's been keeping you from accomplishing Your fitness goals. And if you've been able to get motivated and stay there, share what's worked for you and why?

Stay Blessed,

♡♥
Benita (: